Dec. 18th, 2018

lifesnotasong: (Life Is Tough)
Depression and anxiety led to me not going to work yesterday (giving me a nice combination of head symptoms and body symptoms), despite not having 8 hours of sick time available to use. I swore I would do better today, but come 6am, the same wave of awful kept me in bed. This time, I reached out to my manager and my psychiatrist, to let them know I was struggling hard and needed help handling things. Thankfully, I've cultivated a strong support network in the last 3+ years at my job, and they pulled through. Manager has given me permission to use vacation time for this entire week, and just to work from home as much or as little as I want/am able, with 0 consequences and 0 bad repercussions. Psychiatrist got me in for an urgent consult this afternoon, increased the dose of one of my meds, got me an appointment with a short-term therapist I saw a few times 2 years ago and liked a lot, and gave me a plan for how we're going to move forward to help me get out of this hole of awful.

Bry and Brian have been wonderful and supportive, but all three of us are in bad dark places right now, and it's straining all of us to support both ourselves and each other. So I'm trying to find ways to get support outside, and am doing my best to be patient and compassionate with myself and my broken brain in the meantime.

The plan right now:

-Go to the gym at least once this week
-Eat something (or drink a smoothie) every 2-3 hours when awake (I've been eating 1 meal a day for about a month...)
-Start taking multivitamin, continue taking vitamin D supplement
-Increase Lexapro dose, continue taking Buspar
-Take the rest of the week off work, work remote as able but don't push it
-Restart using light box every morning
-See short-term therapist on 12/21, and maybe again next week
-Have first appointment with therapist who will hopefully be my new long-term therapist on 12/30
-Check back in w psychiatrist on 1/3
-???
-Profit?

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lifesnotasong

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